Details In The Fabric

I'm really trying to figure out a way to make time run by instead of jut pass by. We all know how it feels to be kind of pointless, or even course less. Like we have nothing to hold on to or nowhere to go. It's silly to think about the places we go as life changers, but really, they are. Everywhere we go, everyone we know, everything we feel, that is different to what we're used to, affects us, somehow. Sometimes, we learn things, we take good pieces from that, but other times, it can destroy us instead, it has a way to take things from us instead of contributing with what we already have. I think of some people and all I can say is that they took a lot from me and gave me nothing in return, I go through situations in my days that teach me nothing but grieve and sorrow, until finally, I feel some things that lead me nowhere and show me what I'd rather not see. How can I explain stuff like these? How can I let that happen or even better, how can I stop it from happening? Do I shut myself in and expect that nothing will ever change me? Could I pretend nothing is changing me while I’m actually going through transformations I don't want to? I can't answer any of that and it's been my source of most frustration. Do you know how it feels to want to forget about everything, live on your own and not pay attention to any of the signs around you? Have you ever thought about locking everybody out and learning from yourself and no one else? Wouldn't it be great if we could do it? This is how time runs by. When I’m alone, trying to shake things over, trying to understand what makes me desperate or maybe reminiscing over lost moments. That's when time decides to be unfair, that's when I can't notice the minutes or the tears wasted. Otherwise, the seconds drag by, pointing out the difficulties of sharing too much or too little, pointing out the troubles I can get myself in once I let people in, showing me how I go nowhere when I depend too much on someone. It sucks. I need to learn how to live with myself and on my own as sad as it seems to be, as difficult as it sounds. It’s ok to feel these things, unusual, but ok. We all go through inner crises sometimes and we all have the power to get ourselves out of them. So I guess today is just a bad day, or this hour is a bad hour. Maybe I’ll feel better in 10 minutes or maybe it will take a few days. It doesn’t matter how long these crises take but how often they strike us. Those are the worst moments we can go through, but on the other hand, it’s when we learn the most about what we have inside.